Tofu

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1 min I pack extra lunches for students that can't afford lunch

1 min I'm proud of you for trying to better your life (For Ely)

1 min I assure you that curly hair is attractive no matter what (For Estanna)

1 min I help you carry groceries so you don't hurt yourself

1 min I buy condoms to practice safe sex

49 sec Happily married with your best friend every night

58 sec I buy lunch for my Bro because I love him platonically (Hi Steve n Tevin)

51 sec I befriend the new co-worker and invite for lunch because I can

23 sec I offer last slice of pizza because I love you more than pizza

1 min I help my babysitter with money problems, but refuse her sex advances

1 min Silly anxiety gets in your way, that’s why I’m here for you (for Lily)

18 sec I explain why filthy degenerates like us are going to be fine

51 sec I show up to a birthday party when no one else came

52 sec I comfort you during an intense heartbreak over a relationship

47 sec I bring you something to drink because you have migraines

15 sec I teach you hava, a more wholesome saying than ligma

50 sec Your first time at the gym, I offer to help and we become gym buddies

41 sec I bring my toy to our date because you love

1 min I take time to write a good review for retail employee (April Fool edition)

57 sec I make sandwiches for my students who can't afford breakfast during finals

33 sec I turn the dog into a therapy dog for my students during final

1 min I offer the homeless a hot meal and a job

38 sec I help unstuck you from window

32 sec I take out the trash for you because you're tired and had a long day